Those of us who have lost our mothers, live differently in the world. It is a feeling of inexplicable abandonment, as if we were left to navigate through this world without our most primal connection, our mothers. We who are motherless keep it moving because we have no other choice. We belong to a society all our own.
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When you lose a mother, there is an accelerated level of maturity that is thrust upon you, ready or not.
When I lost my mother nearly 20 years ago, I would look upon those who still had theirs with envy. Watching a movie, listening to a song, the smell of her favorite perfume worn by someone else in passing, anything that reminded me of my mother sent a pain through me that sliced right through my soul. Birthdays, my wedding, the birth of my child, happy occasions left me with a void.
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Now years later, the intensity of the pain has subsided, somewhat, but every Mother’s Day I am reminded of the fact that I have no Mother. My warm and fuzzy security blanket, my confidant, the one sure person I knew who loved me so unconditionally, so perfectly, despite my faults, was no longer in my life.
Every Mother’s Day I still choose to honor my mom because my love for her is endless. I know my mom would want me to not spend the day depressed or crying until I no longer can, instead she would want me to spend the time doing something productive with people who make me feel loved. To those of you who have lost your mothers, here are some ideas that might help ease your pain on this Mother’s Day:
1) I have been blessed in that I am surrounded by women folk whom I consider to be second Mothers, Betty Wilson, Lily Drake, Claris Allison Logan. These women are wise, caring to a fault and have truly enveloped me with their unconditional love. Consider spending the day with women whom you consider to be second Mothers, like an aunt, grandmother, Mother-in-law, and older sister. Allow them to help you cope with the day. Try to plan something that you enjoy doing and invite them to participate, perhaps some shopping, a meal at a favorite restaurant, or maybe you can even host a ladies’ brunch in your home. Allow these nurturers to take your mind away to a happier place.
2) Get together with folks who were close to your mom, so that you can reminisce about her life before and after she had you. Whip out the pictures and try to keep the atmosphere upbeat, dwelling on the positives and those hilarious times, not the negatives.
3) Spirituality is healing for the soul. Take the time to meditate or pray — no matter what your faith — spirituality will put things into focus, fuel, and strengthen you.
4) If you prefer being alone, take the time to go for a walk on a beach or nature trail so that you can reflect on all that your mother meant to you. Quiet time can be therapeutic for many.
5) Consider doing something that both you and your mom loved to do. Did she love to dance to Earth, Wind and Fire songs? Whip out one of their cuts and release all that you’re feeling in the privacy of your inner sanctum.
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, Providencia Rivera Manuel (pictured), you’re always in my heart….